The Wall

You smile at many. You share with a few.

You talk with many. You connect with a few.

Your eyes come across many. But few make their way into your heart.

You’re not comfortable letting too many people into your life. You don’t want many. You want only a few. And you want those few because they mean a lot to you. And you hope they know that (and feel the same way too).

Noticed

She always noticed him. 

He noticed that she noticed. 

She also noticed that he noticed that she noticed him. But that never stopped her.

Her eyes. That look. Not a stare. Not a gaze. Something more. Like she wanted to tell him something, but had made up her mind not to. He never could really unravel what they were trying to convey.

She smiled every time she saw him. Every single time.

He reminded her of someone. That was it. That was all.

Little Things

Little things upset me. They do.

The funny part is - I’m not aware of the exact reason most of the times. It might be something I came across in passing. Something I happened to hear. Something I saw. Something I just happened to realize. It probably sets off “something”.

Twelve Days

He tapped on his laptop nervously as he signed into his email account. He was beginning to get worried. No reason to, perhaps. All he expected was a reply.

A Suitable Boy

I remember this one time we went shopping with Dad when we were kids (eight years old, I believe). As I passed by the books section, a particular one caught my fancy. It had this bright red cover (hardbound, I think) with golden lettering. And it was a FAT book.

"Buy me that", I insisted. He checked out the book (and the price, of course). No, he said firmly. He still does not understand why I would buy books - fiction, that is. His idea of book-buying is for 'general knowledge' (as he puts it). As kids the few books he did buy us were - an edition of the Encyclopedia, 'More Tell Me Why', Wren & Martin, Oxford English Dictionary and 'Who said What'. That probably explains a lot of things, including my love for quotes.

Anyway, I did not get that book, and had to settle for a couple of Archie comics.

It's funny that years later the one thing that eludes me is precisely that - a suitable boy.

(Of course, I don't mean the book. Also, I am yet to read it.)

Office Bus-Ride

Most people I know complain of travelling to the work place. It’s too long. The roads are bad (no, positively horrible). The drivers are rash.

 

Neglected...

... That is how this blog must be feeling.

I do realize that the blog count has fallen miserably. Is it work? No, not really. 

Somehow all my enthusiasm to write a post dies a rather quick death. Some thought or the other usually hits me on my way back from office, in the bus (provided I am NOT sleeping, that is). And then I get associated ideas. I’ve almost got a structure and know what I want to convey. At this point I’m literally talking to myself, where I can all but *hear* myself (internal monologue it’s called apparently). I *will* pen this down, I tell myself.

Wishes

She wished upon her eyelash. Blew it right off the back of her palm. She hoped it would come true. Not that she ever remembered the fate of the others. But too many ‘first stars’ had been spotted. And catching a shooting star, for real, seemed close to impossible.

Nope. Eyelashes will have to do. 

Embers

That dull ache in a corner of the heart glows like embers.

Ashy, yet bright. Cold, and yet hot.

The fire that raged consumed a part of the mind.  But no one noticed. No one else felt the heat. All there is to see now are the ashes. And they tell no stories.

It still sears upon touch; and threatens to flare into flames, if stoked. Wanton winds there are.

Snuffed out, it shall never be. It gives warmth… still. Memories of a fire, and the scar.

And all there is now is silence. Dead silence.



Of Teddies & Tears...

She was thrilled!

Her father had yielded to her demand pretty soon. Unlike him, she thought. She rushed to the store. She knew what she wanted. A teddy! She went to a rack where average- to normal-sized ones were displayed. She would be reasonable and wouldn’t pick anything that might be exorbitant. She didn’t want her father to reconsider his decision.

No Strings Attached

Even as she looked at the SMS for probably the tenth time that morning, she couldn’t help but grin. She was finally going to meet him.

Spotted!

A restaurant signboard that reads:

"The High Wave - Family Bar and Restaurant"

Accidental or Intentional?

P.S. If intentional, what's a "family bar" anyway?! :-D

Attention!

Is it so difficult to –

• Pay (some) attention? (Especially the first time around)
• Read the fine print? (i.e. Be aware of the details) 

Although it may sound silly or trivial, I find most people, especially the “social networking” generation (before you point it out to me – yes, I know I’m part of it, TYVM, but I’m mentally older!), lacking in these basic qualities.

I’m not sure if it’s –

• the reduced attention spans – you know, after-effects of increased ‘multi-tasking capabilities’ (after all, chatting with 10 people while having your meal, watching TV and occasionally texting/tweeting with the frequent SNS checking/ WWW browsing must count for something, right?)

OR 

• the change in attitude – “we’re like this only”, lack of respect for other people’s time or efforts, “couldn’t care less”, etc. etc. etc.

Or both. Or something else? …

These two (seemingly) small qualities will go a long way in making sure that you’re aware (i.e. have the right kind of information), and help you in taking the right action/decision. (Not to mention, save you from highly embarrassing situations and prevent irritations/frustrations – to yourself or others!)

Morning

I loved to laze around in bed in the mornings, especially weekends. There’s nothing like the feeling of coziness you get when curled beneath your favourite blanket - with someone special. That ineffable sense of comfort and security.

Sand and Foam - Khalil Gibran

I was unwittingly introduced to this poet/writer because the Founder Principal of our school had an excerpt from one of his more famous books (The Prophet) inserted in our School Diary. I’m thinking she had it in there for a reason – that every parent should read and imbibe them. And if possible, I'd recommend getting a print-out and sticking it somewhere they can see it every morning! (And conversely, I do realize I’m supposed to remember the same when I become a parent some day. Errr...) I'm referring to what is popularly known as ‘On Children’. I realized I was reading someone special.

Here are more of his thoughts from his book ‘Sand and Foam’. I had a very tough time picking a few - and the list still is pretty long, you’d agree! What’s interesting is that each time I read them, my understanding of it is different (even if slightly), depending on my state of mind. And most of these are probably things “we know” but presented ingeniously. The mark of great thinker.

So here we go…a lot of food for thought!

Aphorisms ahead…

Ads?

The advertisements I get to see these days appall me. I mean, seriously, WHO comes up with junk like these. These are my (recent) picks!

Presenting to you..."In Pursuit of Crappyness"! …



Attribution!

To those who are not aware of it (yet), there IS something known as ‘attribution’.

Just Like That

Aam Sutra

It’s summer time and there really is nothing that makes me like it (dhoop, paseena, and what not!). I’d rather shiver than sweat. But then, there’s always an exception and it is…mangoes!

Passive Aggression

The Unsaid

…

“See! Why do men have egos the size of…of…one of those huge hot air balloons?? Is it so difficult to accept, or even say?”

“Say what?”

“Nothing…Forget it.”

…

***

“Every now and then we wish we had the right people around us, with us, for us. The kind that makes our lives worthwhile - more meaningful and special. Just by their presence. I never felt I had that kind of luck. But then, you had to come along. Without me ever asking for it. And I would never want you to leave. Ever.”

There. Finally he had said it. Aloud.

Only, he wished it was earlier. Much earlier.

The ears that waited for it had long stopped listening. Surely, the picture did no justice to her.

Quotes on…

 …Writers & Writing:

Something like Love

They say that all women become like their mothers. And that, probably, is true. I’ve been around long enough to see quite a bit of my Grandma (or is it the other way around?). And the similarities between her and my mother are striking. It’s one of those things that are hard to explain. You can see it, but not place your finger on it. And yet, I think my mother was different. Very. And truth be told, in some ways I hope I don’t become like her…

Ifs & Buts

…

…

“Hello? You still there?”

“Hmmm…yea…”

“We need to talk…somewhere, in private. How about the beach? It’s a weekday and it’d probably be less crowded.”

“Mm-hmmm…”

“Ok then. See you there. At 6:00, then?”

“Yea. Ok…”

“Bye.”

The call got disconnected even before he could muster anything.

This was inevitable. He saw it coming from a mile away. There were the tell-tale signs and a few outbursts. Yet it did not make its arrival any more acceptable than when he’d initially anticipated it.

***

Have(n't) you noticed? - #4

The ‘signs’ of changing times…

Do you use your debit/credit card? To shop? By showing it over the counter? At a grocery store? At a supermarket? A retail outlet in a mall? In another of those ‘swipe’ procedures? Duh! 

Wondering why I’m asking these silly questions? Tell me, how many times have the cashiers verified your signature on the slip (to the one at the back of the card)? Or even check if it’s signed, in the first place? Wait… let’s make that how many times have the cashiers bothered to wait for you to really sign, before they hurriedly handed over the slip and your cover(s)? How many times have you quickly motioned to put the card back in it’s place (your wallet/purse) with the cashiers prompting you to wait for verification before you did so? I bet that it’s almost zero.

Have(n't) you noticed? - #3

Tring Tring!

We know that with the advent of cellphones the ‘normal’ trings trings are just passe. But it’s not just famous movie songs, bhakti geet, cute-kids-reciting-even-cuter-poems and the standard Nokia or Sony Ericsson ring tones that are popular now.  

Ad jingles! Who knew?!

To That Tear...

Why do I suspect that you will rise,

even before I detect the quiver on my lips?

Why do I feel that my heart will explode,

only because I can see you approach?

Why do you also blur my mind,

though I do know you will blur my vision?

Why do you neglect my appeal to resist,

to be strong, to be bold, to desist; and yet you persist?

Why do you not atleast try,

to save yourself for some worthier cause?

Why do you bring all your friends along,

into that long, needless free fall?

To that tear, 

and the ones that followed…

Why I dislike going home!

Dis-tress-ing!

That time of the year is soon approaching…when I am tempted to do it.

There’s something about the heat that makes me want to. But for some reason I end up putting it off. Only for a while, though…eventually I do end up doing it! But this time, I’m hoping it’ll be different (and I’ll persist).

The Old Man in the Hills

(Pic: Taken by me during a Munnar trip in 2008. Curves adjusted, noise added in Paint.NET)

What of old the man in the hills?

Said a father to his child:

He drove away his father – an outcast he made him - that good-for-nothing wretched son!

What of the old man in the hills?

Said a mother to her son:

He looked after his mother as long as she lived – like a Goddess did he treat her - bless him!

What of the old man in the hills?

Said a friend to another:

He killed his good friend in a fit of rage – how strange thought everyone – and prayed for him!

What of the old man in the hills?

Said a harlot to another:

He never forgave his old man, wonder who she was – not that I care - who’s your next one?

What of the old man in the hills?

Said a wife to her husband:

She should’ve known better – how foolish it was – I really do feel for him, the woman a traitor!

What of the old man in the hills?

Said a sage to his pupil:

He wished and prayed and took many vows,

He was granted the one wish that no one was allowed;

Life took a turn for the worse, and how!

‘No man should be able to read another’s mind!’ he then avowed.

Went off to the hills did he, to live the rest of his life,

Alone and deserted – yet mind full of torment and strife;

Suspicion, jealousy, fear and caution had already crept into his life,

Loneliness and pain accompany the rest of his journey rife.

*****

P.S. I suck at writing poetry. I dunno what to call this - prose/poetry. Anyway, an attempt at writing something unlike what I normally write. Criticism most welcome! 

Yours Virtually…

Can you really know what farming is like by merely playing FarmVille on FB?

Or what it really feels like to be in involved in the ‘underworld’ – risking your lives, committing crimes day and night - by playing Mafia Wars?

Or building and managing a city playing CityVille?

To run a cafe with a little of Cafe World, perhaps?

An emphatic NO, is it not?

Then WHY, for the love of God, do we have THIS now?!! (More on that.)

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

So wrote William Henry Davies in his very famous poem Leisure.

It isn't about standing and staring any more, is it?

It's all about sitting and staring...

At our laptop or desktop screens (at home and at work), at our cellphones/BBs, at the TVs... isn't it?

Intonations - Part 2: Write right?

‘Sounding right’ may be easier when voice/speech is involved (of course, at its best along with the visible part - body language). But what of it in written communication? Not too hard to achieve now, is it not?

Gone are the days when only words were used to convey exactly what we wanted; when the choice of words, length of sentences, syntax, punctuations and the like were sufficient to capture and carry our emotions/feelings (“tone”) to the reader. With the advent of internet, instant messengers/chats, SMS, etc. we’ve conveniently added, modified, re-invented and continue to enrich our lexicon.

Intonations - Part 1: Sound Bytes

Human voice is hard to mimic or replace. No surprise then, that digitizing human speech (to near perfection) seems like a dream. Well, perhaps not? 

If you really think about it, it’s the modulation and intonations that are the hardest to grasp and reproduce. I mean - you, I and a million others could be saying the same sentence, but the way we say it (i.e. the tone) makes all the difference. I remember attending a lecture/talk few years ago, where the speaker demonstrated the same with a very simple example. I shall include it, for your benefit.

Jaane Woh Kaise...

Though I'm not the one to usually post lyrics of songs I like (/love), I cannot but help share this one.

Sahir Ludhianvi's poignant and melancholic lyrics set to a simple lilting melody by S. D. Burman, rendered beautifully and honestly by Hemant Kumar from the cult movie Pyaasa. Ever since I got to know of this song (a few years back), I play it every once in a while. Especially when I'm feeling low. One of those songs that can go on a repeat mode in my playlist (will be back with a list of the others, some time).

Jaane woh kaise log the jinke pyaar ko pyaar mila

Humne toh jab kaliyaan maangi kaaton ka haar mila

Khushiyon ki manzil dhoondi toh gham ki gard mili

Chaahat ke nagme chaahe to, aahen sard mili

Dil ke bhoj ko doona (dugna) kar gaya, jo gham haar mila

Humne toh jab kaliyaan maangi kaaton ka haar mila

Jaane woh kaise...

Bichhad gaya... Bichhad gaya...

Bichhad gaya har saathi dekar pal do pal ka saath

Kisko phursat hai jo thaame deewanon ka haath

Humko apna saaya tak aqsar bezaar mila

Humne to jab kaliyaan maangi kaaton ka haar mila

Jaane woh kaise...

Isko hi jeena kehte hain to yunhi jee lenge

Uff na karenge, lab see lenge, aansoo pee lenge

Gham se ab ghabrana kaisa, gham sau baar mila

Humne toh jab kaliyaan maangi kaaton ka haar mila

Jaane woh kaise... 

(I will resist the temptation to say anything further on what I feel about the song or what it means to me. It's simply timeless.)

New Look!

(There is nothing exemplary that this post has to convey. )

If you're someone who has been visiting my blog regularly (I know there are very few!), you'd probably have noticed the change in appearance. No, this has nothing to do with the New Year. 

I decided that the 'look' of my blog had to change. Let's be honest, formerly my blog appeared drab, dull, boring and dead! Somehow I always thought that it had to look 'sober'. Enough with the sobriety. Time to bring in some colour (and cheer)!

As I began checking out the Template Designer, I realized one thing - I was spoilt for choices. Seriously... the more choices you have, the more indecisive you become. (Lesson from this season of The Bachelor, anyone?) After deliberating and 'trying on' a few templates, I finally decided that it had to be the sea - something that always draws me to it. And I felt as happily giddy as I was when I began this blog - modifying the details, down to the colours of the links. 

Then I realized that the font settings had not been uniformly applied over all my posts. It just won't do! And so I began the tedious process of modifying all my posts again. If you think that I've lost my mind to bother, I disagree. Sure, it's the 'over-particular' part of me. But in the process, I rediscovered all my earlier posts. Some I'm glad I wrote. Snapshots of life since I began blogging - in some form. Made my night, you see! 

So that's it. My blog is new (and improved, I hope!). 


P.S. Help/Advice required:

1. I've always had trouble with paragraph breaks in Blogger. WHY is there more gap between some paras?
2. Does anyone know how I can put a 'Read more...' link for long-ish posts (I do ramble more often than keep it short!).

TIA!

Bits-n-Pieces!

What do you generally do with these – bus tickets, movie tickets (any ticket, in fact), receipts, bills, ATM receipts? Those small pieces of paper that are ‘useless’. Chances are:

• Bus tickets – You won’t even wait for the conductor to hand it to you. And even if he did, you just toss them aside, or crumple them and throw them out the window, or what’s more often seen – just leave it in the bus and it’ll be floating/flying like confetti.
• Movie tickets - You save it till the end of the show. Once the movie is done, you throw them there for the sweepers to clean.
• Receipts/Bills – You absent-mindedly take them from the cashier and stuff it somewhere in the shopping bags or in your purse. If you do keep it carefully it’s because – you need it as proof for reimbursement; it’s a ‘group purchase’ and you need to settle the ‘accounts’; if you did a debit/credit card purchase you keep it for a while to ensure that the transaction was error-free.
• ATM Receipts – You look at the Balance, heave a sigh and toss it (after crumpling/tearing) in the basket provided. Some just don’t bother with the basket or the crumpling.

Now, what do I do? 

Maelstrom

Do all relationships have a name? Can all feelings be compartmentalized? Are there no relations that move into one another, blurring the so-called ‘boundaries’?

As Shobha tried hard to grapple with her emotions, the feelings she once harboured surfaced again. Ashu was never her boyfriend. He was her friend. But just a friend? No, definitely something more. She’d even tried considering if she had any ‘brotherly’ feelings for him. Far from it. She felt she was very close to him, probably more than any of her relatives. Then what was this all about?

Have(n't) you noticed? - #2

Mallu Christians in (Mallu) Movies

A thought just crossed my mind the other day – regarding how achayans and achayathis are portrayed on celluloid in Malayalam movies. Sure, there are the quintessential elements - rubber plantations (or rubber estates, as they're popularly called), affluence (as a result of those estates), a successfully-running family enterprise, joint family setting (replete with the son-in-laws, atleast three or four generations, and a few family members in the US who are home on vacation), a Father (pallile Achan) and church-related activities (which can include X’mas celebrations/Palli Perunnals), the merry-making and jolly times. Speaking of which - any such celebration is incomplete without the… yes…‘cheers’! It is a scene that will invariably be there, we’ve seen ‘em many no. of times, in many forms, but it is entertaining nevertheless!

Grandfathers, sons, sons-of-sons, the ungles (family friends) and sometimes even the kaaryasthan (a person who looks after the affairs of the family) sit around in the verandah/courtyard/living room during evenings/nights (usually before dinner) and lose all their inhibitions (well, almost). A setting in which the patriarch in the family steps down from the Ivory Tower, loses some of his willful authoritarian and disciplinarian nature and allows jokes about himself (of course, you dare not misunderstand and over-step the limits!). Other things that complete the ensemble are:

• Men who are slightly embarrassed to drink in front of their father/elders (may even include one younger member of the family who has been initiated into drinking lately and has not ‘had it’ with his family yet). He’s gently prodded (or even violently encouraged!) to go ahead sans discomfort. Beverages can range from patta chaarayam to scotch and whisky.
•  Discussions regarding business, enemies, and family members are a given (this bit depends a lot on the story of the movie and where this scene is placed in the narrative). Business discussions are more of ‘status updates’ and future ventures (because generally each member of the family owns/is responsible for a certain area of business); enemies are linked to business or (past) family feuds; family member discussions involve marriage proposals for those in the “marriageable age bracket”, discussions on kids – their education/achievements, some ‘secrets’ or leg-pulling – all this is usually the part that’s meant as lighter moments in this scene/movie.
• Singing and/or dancing is optional. 

If you’re wondering what the rest of the family is doing…

Have(n't) you noticed? - #1

Mallus and the 'Vo'!
Mallu sterotypes include people who say “YEM BEEE YAY” (instead of “EM-BE-AY”, the way it’s supposed to be pronounced). But there’s something else I’ve noticed too. Well, I don’t know if it’s only a Mallu phenomenon (others can substantiate). Anyways, as far as I know we have a problem with ‘vo’. And by that, I mean English words that start with a ‘v’ followed by an ‘o’.

It’s as good as the ‘v’ not being there (or rather, it ‘remaining silent’).

Have(n’t) you noticed how it’s always ‘Odafone Comedy Stars’ ; or come election time candidates are literally begging for ‘otes’ (ottu…as in a popular song from the movie Classmates – Veeshana party-kk-ottilla; tholkkana party-kk-ottila…!); or how bad the power situation is, that most of the times there is no ‘oltage’???

Other V’s are fine, though – we have no qualms in saying Vicks or Video, the way it’s meant to be said!

The paradox, though, is that we start adding the ‘v’ sound to words that begin with a ‘o’ sound. It’s wokay, and wolright (alright), and not to forget a certain Biology teacher: GONOPHORE - Gee-Woh-Yen-Woh-Pee-Hech-Woh-Aar-Eee! ;-)