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Presenting to you..."In Pursuit of Crappyness"! …



Dis-tress-ing!

That time of the year is soon approaching…when I am tempted to do it.

There’s something about the heat that makes me want to. But for some reason I end up putting it off. Only for a while, though…eventually I do end up doing it! But this time, I’m hoping it’ll be different (and I’ll persist).

Have(n't) you noticed? - #2

Mallu Christians in (Mallu) Movies

A thought just crossed my mind the other day – regarding how achayans and achayathis are portrayed on celluloid in Malayalam movies. Sure, there are the quintessential elements - rubber plantations (or rubber estates, as they're popularly called), affluence (as a result of those estates), a successfully-running family enterprise, joint family setting (replete with the son-in-laws, atleast three or four generations, and a few family members in the US who are home on vacation), a Father (pallile Achan) and church-related activities (which can include X’mas celebrations/Palli Perunnals), the merry-making and jolly times. Speaking of which - any such celebration is incomplete without the… yes…‘cheers’! It is a scene that will invariably be there, we’ve seen ‘em many no. of times, in many forms, but it is entertaining nevertheless!

Grandfathers, sons, sons-of-sons, the ungles (family friends) and sometimes even the kaaryasthan (a person who looks after the affairs of the family) sit around in the verandah/courtyard/living room during evenings/nights (usually before dinner) and lose all their inhibitions (well, almost). A setting in which the patriarch in the family steps down from the Ivory Tower, loses some of his willful authoritarian and disciplinarian nature and allows jokes about himself (of course, you dare not misunderstand and over-step the limits!). Other things that complete the ensemble are:

• Men who are slightly embarrassed to drink in front of their father/elders (may even include one younger member of the family who has been initiated into drinking lately and has not ‘had it’ with his family yet). He’s gently prodded (or even violently encouraged!) to go ahead sans discomfort. Beverages can range from patta chaarayam to scotch and whisky.
•  Discussions regarding business, enemies, and family members are a given (this bit depends a lot on the story of the movie and where this scene is placed in the narrative). Business discussions are more of ‘status updates’ and future ventures (because generally each member of the family owns/is responsible for a certain area of business); enemies are linked to business or (past) family feuds; family member discussions involve marriage proposals for those in the “marriageable age bracket”, discussions on kids – their education/achievements, some ‘secrets’ or leg-pulling – all this is usually the part that’s meant as lighter moments in this scene/movie.
• Singing and/or dancing is optional. 

If you’re wondering what the rest of the family is doing…

Have(n't) you noticed? - #1

Mallus and the 'Vo'!
Mallu sterotypes include people who say “YEM BEEE YAY” (instead of “EM-BE-AY”, the way it’s supposed to be pronounced). But there’s something else I’ve noticed too. Well, I don’t know if it’s only a Mallu phenomenon (others can substantiate). Anyways, as far as I know we have a problem with ‘vo’. And by that, I mean English words that start with a ‘v’ followed by an ‘o’.

It’s as good as the ‘v’ not being there (or rather, it ‘remaining silent’).

Have(n’t) you noticed how it’s always ‘Odafone Comedy Stars’ ; or come election time candidates are literally begging for ‘otes’ (ottu…as in a popular song from the movie Classmates – Veeshana party-kk-ottilla; tholkkana party-kk-ottila…!); or how bad the power situation is, that most of the times there is no ‘oltage’???

Other V’s are fine, though – we have no qualms in saying Vicks or Video, the way it’s meant to be said!

The paradox, though, is that we start adding the ‘v’ sound to words that begin with a ‘o’ sound. It’s wokay, and wolright (alright), and not to forget a certain Biology teacher: GONOPHORE - Gee-Woh-Yen-Woh-Pee-Hech-Woh-Aar-Eee! ;-)

Dangerously low...

... that's how people today prefer to wear their pants (boys/men and girls/women alike). Or should I make that "ridiculously low" ? I'm no fashion freak and don't really care about how people 'choose' to dress. But recently I happened to see a guy that had me going in splits (well, inside... I couldn't laugh out that loud in public transport - more specifically a bus).

Here I was travelling by bus, on my way to the railway station from office. This area where my office is, is no metro or nothing nearly 'yo'. A remote area, which maybe called more orthodox than modern. At a stop a few guys got onto the bus. College students, perhaps. And incidentally I happened to look at them. I almost grinned, and then caught myself. I looked around... Did no one see? Did no one notice? The lady next to me was as amused as I was. Ah, someone who shares my views. She had this smile she was trying hard to control and kept looking at a fellow a couple of times. Then she turned her attention back to the child on her lap. 

There was this guy among the lot who had his pants real low. And I mean real low. Every now and then he'd touch his rear end just to make sure that the pants were at the 'right' place. 'Right' being a point just below where his shirt ended and his butt-crack began (I presume).  I don't know why he was so worried - he also had a belt on, to hold his pant at that precarious position! He looked weird, to say the least. His pants were all crinkled at the bottom, near his shoes - like he was wearing a churidar; the part that is the crotch was hanging below, nothing there to 'fill' in the space. I don't know what the guy was trying to pull off. A "cool" look? Trying to show he was the "dude"? I wished he might've observed his pals. They were wearing it low alright, but knew how. 

Going onto another (kinda related) incident. We had this 'movie spoof' contest at our office. A team was performing brilliantly on the movie '3 Idiots' by fitting that story onto 'Life at Infy' and our DC (to be more particular).  Until the point a joke on 'bums' came around. The guy concerned was acting out a 'bum injury'. And yes, he had his pants low. The result? As he turned around and continued acting he (intentionally or unintentionally) flashed his blue chaddi (underwear), and a lil' more, at all of us, and continued to do so for a while. The audience gasped collectively and looked at each other, embarrassed. 

Now, call me old-fashioned, but I don't know why people have to wear their pants low to make some kind of supposed 'fashion statement'. I know that low-waist jeans have been in vogue for some time now. Maybe those with washboard or flat abs want to show it off. Their wish...totally. I just wished I didn't have to see what they have (or don't have!) underneath it. You know, there's a reason why Sunny Deol said 'Yeh andar ki baat hai' in those Lux undergarment ads. And I wished it just stayed there!

Tidbits - # 1 - Finger bowl

Finger bowl

Often when we go to restaurants, we are presented with some water and lemon at the end of a meal... Yes, the Finger Bowl. You may wish to clean up the old-fashioned way. I mean, running water, soap, gargling – nothing can beat that, right?. But still you sit there and reluctantly dip your hands in the lukewarm/hot/cold water (with a wedge of lemon) in the bowl kept right in front of you. You do not want the waiters (or worse, those you accompany) to think of you as dumb and ignorant - that you didn’t realize what it was for. And I’m sure many of you have heard stories of people drinking from it because they didn’t realize its purpose (after all, some water and lemon)!

Anyway, I've always been curious. How did finger bowls come into existence? If you ask me, someone who was plain lazy, or rather who “did not want to be inconvenienced” invented it! As always, I Googled.


A finger bowl is a bowl of water, usually with lemon or flower petals, which is used for rinsing one's fingers in between courses in a multiple course meal. It is typically served before the dessert course, on a doily on top of the dessert plate. (Wikipedia)

And check out this one, just for laughs (and it's kinda gross too)!

But nothing regarding it’s “origin” turned up. Damn! No “elegant” or “charming” story to this almost common-place thing? But what I did come across was this write-up: How to Properly Use the Dining Table Finger Bowl Without Making a Splash. (A ‘how to’ for using a finger bowl?! This one’s gotta be interesting!). Excerpts (with my expert comments!):

"Although the finger bowl has all but vanished in current dining rooms, it may infrequently be found in the finest eating establishments. Certain enthusiasts of high cuisine have called for the resurrection of the finger bowl."
You gotta be kidding me. I know several places that cannot exactly be described as “finest eating establishments”, yet they give you the finger bowl. She must visit India! We Indians are pretty smart at adopting such things. “Resurrection”?? Don’t even get me started!


"Antique hunters may uncover finger bowls, as they search through collections of old china."
"Hunters"? “Uncover”? I didn’t realize we were discussing archaeology!


"The diner dips his fingers gently into the warm water to rinse them lightly. Splashing, swirling and swishing in the finger bowl are considered improper."
Ohhhhhh… I see. So you can do nothing that will actually help you clean your fingers? Hmmmmm… Waiter, where did you say the washroom was?! (Now that I look again, she did say 'dip and 'gently'.)


"The finger bowl is not intended as a bath or cleansing, but merely as a means of preparing the hands for the final courses of the meal."
“Preparing” the hands?


"What is the purpose of the finger bowl?

The idea is for the diner to clean his fingers, particularly after a sticky or messy meal, such as ribs, corn-on-the-cob, fried chicken or shellfish."

After a messy/sticky meal, eh? Ummmmm… does it not contradict with the previous sentence then? The “not intended as a bath or cleansing” bit?


"Today's diners understand the importance of hand washing before meals and even throughout the day. In particular, families stress this, to keep germs and sickness at bay. This practice of personal hygiene aims more at the prevention of infection and illness than at etiquette.


However, those with the most discerning palates may appreciate the mid-meal practice of the finger bowl. Because the fresh lemon and warm water may remove food residue, flavor and aromas from the fingers, diners may go on to enjoy the late courses of a meal without distraction."
Ah!…NOW she clarifies. Finger bowl – for etiquette only. Those who prefer hygiene may use the tap! :-D

P.S. The views expressed are those of the author (who prefers the tap any day). You may disagree!

Lift Behaviour

Lift – Also called elevators. Commonly referred to as ‘lift’ in India.

Lift behaviour

- Behaviour exhibited by the human species while waiting for, boarding, within and while leaving the lift

Characteristics/Symptoms:

1. Impatience – Seen mostly while waiting for a lift. Subjects are often found frantically pressing the button, though they know well that it won’t increase the velocity of the lifts. In some (extreme) cases it may result in cursing/swearing; opting to use the stairs (if the building is not too tall); or may even manifest itself as point no. 2.

2. Looking at display – Something subjects do constantly waiting for/in the lift.

- Outside – looking at the display to see when the lift will finally reach their floor

- Within – looking at the display to see when they will reach the desired floor

3. Shuffling/Shifting – Observed when there are multiple lifts, usually accompanied by point 2. Subjects waiting for a lift keep shifting their position so as to rush into the one that opens (or could open) first.

4. Awkwardness – Exhibited by subjects who end up in the same lift. Caused due to uncertainty regarding where to look. This dilemma is compounded if the lift contains mirror(s). They either look up (refer to point 2) or look down (at their legs/shoes/the floor…). Looking at the watch, reading something, primping, checking others out, whistling/humming a song, making conversation, etc. are some other commonly seen activities.

5. Forgetfulness – Usually exhibited by those who enter the lift in a rush, while talking, or from a floor in between. They forget to press the button to the floor they intend to go. This may result in increased irritability (and waste of time), as the subject realizes that s/he has missed the floor of choice.

6. Anxiety – Exhibited by those who are wary of using lifts. Those who are accustomed to it may also show mild symptoms when they suspect that there are more people (or weight) than the capacity indicated as ‘ideal’ for the lift.

7. Irritation – Exhibited by some subjects when they realize that there is a lift operator to ‘accompany’ them. Also when they find others interrupting the closure of the lift, as they come in one's and two's and end up entering the lift and finally stalling time.

8. Confusion – Exhibited by subjects when they don’t know which floor they have to go to. (Often occurs when visiting a new building, say a shopping mall/flat; also when the levels indicated are confusing – UG, BF, GF, FF, 1, 2, etc. OR -2, -1, 0, 1, etc. These subjects would tend to disagree with those agreeing to point 7)

Note: This analysis is not exhaustive and is based on a limited study conducted by the researcher. 'Lift behaviour' can vary depending on the height of the building, kind of lift, kind of building, traffic, etc.

WTF!!

GE!

AFAIK most of us are aware of acronyms. IMO (or IMHO), that's true. I thought so too. That's until I joined Infy and saw the BB. FYI, BB means Bulletin Board in Infy. (BTW, I see that I gave that one away. LOL!)

NOM to anyone, but this is crazy! ATM I am quite taken aback by what all can be 'acronymized' (if there can be such a word). So, JLT I thought - why not blog and make you go crazy too?

FYA - Find out what these acronyms mean and decipher my post completely. (It's simple. IOW - Google. HTH). But still DIY. You will enjoy it. I expect most of you might get to it ASAP. And I hope to see 'reactions' B4 EOD. TYT...I'm sure this has got you intrigued. FYK - Me too!

If you're pissed off by reading this message and are thinking "DND" or "MYOB"...NP. AFAIC, I'm enjoying every bit of it! And yea, TTYL. :-P (Of course, it's TBTILV)

To the others - LMK about it.

If you can get most of it on your own - WTG!! For the others who give up - I guess I will post it in Comments L8R on.

Hmmmm...TMI, yea? I think so too!
Anyway, BBL. HAND. TYVM and yea... YW! ... JK!

*****

P.S. 1 - I've tried to keep the message as coherent as possible. HYA!

P.S. 2 - The title was just to get you interested. That's all. Maybe you said that after you read this post. Doesn't matter. :-D

P.S. 3 - What with all the shortforms (or "initialisms"), this is my shortest post! (So far!)

KISS!

I like to kiss. Yes, I do. And I encourage everyone to do so too.

Wait, wait, wait…Before you begin to get any funny ideas, let me clarify this one for you. By ‘kiss’ I do not mean the first best thing to do with your lips (as suggested by a popular forward message). All I mean is: ‘Keep It Short and Simple’. Yep! (Sorry to those who were expecting this to go along some other lines! :-P)

All our lives we come across instances where somebody takes a lot of time talking more… and conveying a lot less. You look often (or very often) at your watch, anticipating an end to the tedious affair. You switch off completely. You begin to daydream. You become distracted (or try to look so) and avoid looking at the other person’s face. You interrupt the other person by asking random questions (Hey, where did you get that vase from?). You plan other things (shopping, dinner, weekend...), of course in your head. You think of all the things you could’ve/should’ve/would’ve been doing. You nod your head (almost vigorously) with a fake smile, hoping against hope that this gesture of affirmation might just do the trick and wind up the conversation quickly; only to find that the other person quite oblivious (or choosing to be so) to the whole situation takes it as a cue to launch Round 2 of the same rigmarole. You pray someone will call you… NOW, or even SMS you, so that you can make an excuse and leave. Better still, you try coming up with an excuse as to why you’ve to leave soon (you were reminded of something “important” to do just now). You wonder why you didn’t choose a more inconvenient time for the other person (his/her busy schedule would’ve ensured your quicker exit!).

That’s why we all have to learn to ‘kiss’! I’m not suggesting that we say only the absolutely essential and remain quiet otherwise. But, you’ve got to “know your audience” too. I’ve sat through several lectures, guest lectures, welcome speeches, and the like and thought to myself – Did s/he take so much time to convey THIS? I would’ve done it in so much lesser time! The thing about beating around the bush, going about in circles, laboring over a point is that it defeats its purpose – you miss it (much like this sentence!) A much better way is to be sure of what you want to convey, what you want the audience to take away, and say it crisply and nicely.

As for me, I’m anyway a woman of few words. I’m not very talkative (unless I am in the company of those I know well, and vice versa) and often do not talk along unless I really feel like it. Small talk, idle chatter, making conversation, etc. is definitely not my “thing” (I wonder why though. I have parents who can talk about pretty much anything to pretty much anyone!). I dunno if it’s that strange or abnormal, but I’ve always been less vocal (to those who know me well, go back to sentence 2 of this para). There were these GD classes in T.I.M.E., I remember, where the faculty there (dear Joseph Sir) tried all he could to coax (even bully) me into speaking – but somehow I wouldn’t! He used to do these mock GDs, where people who wouldn’t speak substantially would be asked to leave the group. And, needless to say, yours truly would be asked to leave almost every time, and spent most of the time watching others do the GD. (I finally did give my two cents’ worth in the SDM GD though. :-P).

Cut to Period MBA. Presentations. No matter how much content I prepared for “talk time”, I’d invariably end up speaking only one-third of it finally. It’s not just about presentations, but even my assignments, reports, projects… everything used to be brief. If there was a page limit (come to think of it, even if there wasn’t any), I’d end up submitting less all the time, whereas I used to find people outdoing each other. As for my exams (throughout my education), the story remains pretty much the same. I’d look around to find people asking for supplementary sheets, whereas I’d still be filling in whatever booklet I got (with pages still remaining). When I was working in the college newsletter as an editor, and had only 8 pages at my disposal, I realized that anything worth saying could be conveyed in just 150-200 words, not more.

Well, I guess everyone has got my point.

Sometimes ‘less is more’. Now, before you accuse me of preaching and not practicing, I shall wind up and leave you with this thought.

Much talking is the cause of danger. Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune. The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage. Other birds, without speech, fly freely about.

~ Saskya Pandita